Dear lord, what a fall....

I had always loved coming to Rishikesh for a number of reasons when I was a kid which primarily were to meet my Granny, see the beautiful foothills of the Himalayas, stay away from school and as the years passed by, one more reason was added to this and that was my lovely mamiji. My affection for her grew when we spent a long evening chatting on the terrace and I played the keyboard for her. She was fortunately not very busy with her kitchen stuff which otherwise takes up her entire day. But yet another reason was about to be added.... an important one..

We ( my family) also would come to a hospital to meet a family, which as far as I knew, was a family of my father's old friend. Since I was the way I was, I was a little shy whenever I used to come to that house above the hospital, worried about how I would react when I would see the girl who stayed there. I just knew her name and nothing else. And at that point of time I barely wanted to know anything else, as I was completely devoid of any desire to be with somebody, let alone that somebody be a girl; I was just too scared, I guess. The one thing that I very distinctly remember was the hour glass with a pink colored separator for the two compartments which was kept on the coffee table in the living room. I would keep fiddling with it and appear to be very engrossed in the not so interesting grains of sand that would pass through the pink colored stencil which had the name of a medicine or a pharmaceutical company. The last time that I saw it, I saw a crack in it and I think the minute has gone shorter in that hour glass. We would stay there for a few hours with my bro and me sitting there in the living room with the elders, and doing nothing. Or as I may say, nothing that was visible. I don't know about my brother, but I would keep thinking about that girl who would just show up for once to wish hi and hello to the visitors at home.

There was a part of me which always wanted to go into the rooms inside and then play with the brother and sister duo, but the other part would always stop me from even asking my parents if could do so, maybe because I was sure that I would completely mess it up by going in there and being a total dodo by keeping mum and make everybody else comfortable too. Anyways I could never enter inside and I would keep fiddling with my toy till it was time to leave and would still wish for her to come outside so that I could see her for the last time before I leave to come again after god knows how many months or years.

Back at Naniji's place I would think about her in a very lovely way and then that feeling would die down in a few days, when I would return back home and bury myself in the boring and pointless schedule of getting up early and going to school and everything that would follow. But God has his own ways of cheering me up.

In '99, we were in Gorakhpur, and we had gone for a trip to Jaisalmer during the dussehra holidays and on the way back we made a short halt at Lucknow. It came as a blessing when I learnt that the family of my father's friend from Rishikesh was in the city. So dad, as practical as he was, decided to meet them and then things were on a roll. Mommy, son and daughter, agreed to tag along with us to Gorakhpur for a couple of days where they would be shown aircraft and how it was to be in a Air Force Station. I think I was never that happy to be next to her in a car that was small enough to hold five people. But thanks to my dad and his creativity we were comfortably ensconced in the 800 with the backseats converted in to a bed, which made enough room for the five of us behind.

This is was the first time that I had a serious crush on a girl. At home, I just wanted a reason to be in the room she was in, to be seated next to her at the dining table, even when we would sit in the Sumo that would take us to the AF base to see the aircraft, and I wanted to walk next to her. I think I tried too hard to make all that happen and I was afraid that she might notice and tell her mom that I was acting strange, which would mean disaster for me. Nevertheless I still tried. I don't know how to say this but I was so excited and so wanted to be a part of her daily life. I would say nothing, do nothing, and ask nothing. All I wanted was to be around her. But nervousness always took the better of me and I was an ace at derailing anything that I was right in track. Whenever she was ready to talk to me or play a game or anything for that matter, I would back off and behave aloof, as if I never wanted to be next to a girl, which was completely the opposite of what my heart wanted. I would act a like total goon.

Then three things happened and I fell in love for the first time in my life. I must say that I never knew the true meaning of that four letter word but maybe it was something as beautiful and fantastic as I felt.

We went skating. I got to hold her hand and now I remember nothing. That I was for the first time I had touched something living that was so soft and so gentle.

We went for a party. And we danced hand in hand. I remember dancing in circles with her; completely aware of my throat, which had turned dry. I could feel everybody's eyes staring at me, having fun with this cute, little angel in the corner of an open air dance floor next to the ante room. For the first time, I didn't give a damn for what they thought. Everything was so electrifying, so exciting and I didn't want that to end. But the stupid song only lasted about three minutes and we had to stop and dinner was served.

Pictionary brought me really close to her and I started to see more of her personality. She was loud, or rather a little too lively, if not loud, she was fun, the twinkle, her grace and some of her dialogues that still ring in my head.

For some reason, I didn't want her to go, but she had to leave and I was sad for a few days. I had developed this new feeling for a girl who I could only see once in a year or maybe two, or maybe more. A few years passed by and every time that I would see a girl, I would compare her with the one who came to my house and swept me off my feet. But I had lost all hope about me ending up with her, at a later stage in life.

College life began and I was in a boy's hostel. The opposite gender was missing from my life for 10months in a year and that too in such a phase in life where half of the other world learns and enjoys a lot in terms of ultimate pleasure. Every semester break that I would go back I would meet my old friends and a few new ones, but I would still not stop comparing them with her. Fourth year came and I voiced my desire to have somebody like her in my life to my best friend who was my room-mate too. I described her to him and I am sure he could sense the picture that I had painted in my heart of the future that I so wanted to come true. But, I was completely helpless and I didn't know what to do and I left it to fate. For all I knew, she wouldn't even remember me. Who would remember a dumb boy from school days whom you have just met for 10days in all, during your entire life? But things changed.

I met her about a year back and all my feelings came rushing through. She had changed, and dear lord what a change that was. It was a like a fairytale coming true. In the past, I had started talking to girls at school and I had a few friends also, (yeah, I summoned the courage) but when she was around I could feel my knees go weak, my heart would pound faster, my mouth would run dry, I couldn't dare to look at her, but still watch her every move from the corner of my eye. I had never wanted somebody this much before.

God has been really kind to me and things started happening between the two of us. Credit goes to my family and hers and especially my brother who set the ball rolling. We spoke on the phone, with me four thousand miles away from her, and I knew this was it. From the very first conversation I felt things were right. I needn't be something that I was not. I felt so comfortable talking to her. It clicked. And it clicked well.

Her name is Rakhi. The most beautiful girl I have ever come across in my life. For all those of have seen and known her, would agree with me that this is an understatement and no matter what I say, it will still be a little too less as compared to what she actually deserves. She defines what a girl should be, an epitome of the grace and liveliness that a girl should possess. If there was a word that meant a zillion times more than what LUCKY means, then that's what I feel about her being a part of my life. I am in love with her and I always will be……………..