Turmoil.....

Life had picked up in a way that was completely unexpected and I shifted to Singapore. Being a marine engineering cadet, it gave me the jitters when I would think of staying away from my family and friends for months together, but who knew that fate would plant me four thousand miles away from home in a foreign land altogether. So here I was, away from home but on land. Close to civilization but a foreign one. A new phase began and I was excited, but I was a little alone. I am not complaining, it's just that I am marveling at God's ingenuity at drawing that thin line between satisfaction and that little, yet so important, emptiness that often comes with it. He darkened the line further after I moved to Singapore in mid November, but it brightened my life to what it is now.

Rakhi had changed, and that caught the attention of my Dad and brother, who always keep their Radars in active mode in search of a girl that would be good for me just for the fun of it. All this would, in almost all the cases, culminate into hours or even days of leg pulling. They are aware of the fact that I have a few girlfriends, but also the fact that I am still on the lookout for THE ONE who would be my wife-to-be. I had never voiced my desires to the kind of wife I wanted in my life, but I think they nailed it by setting their eyes on her. The Romeo that I am, I attach to any girl that is even remotely attractive, but with Rakhi, feelings were so true, so right, so genuine and so lovely.

I was leaving for Malaysia for my OBS course, an outdoor activity camp sort of thing that aimed at building group interaction skills and getting to know the members better. A few days before my departure, I was chatting with my bro on the internet and he passed on the news about her and asked me to speak to her, just for his sake. I could sense the excitement in his voice and I gave in. I was a little excited too, knowing that she had become somebody who would get my brother to talk me into doing something like this, considering that he is five years younger to me and really never bothered about my so called relationships with girls. After all this and ending the conversation with him, I let my imagination run free and pictured Rakhi fitting into the template that I had moulded over the years for my perfect match. I immediately wrote her a mail and informed her that I will be getting in touch with her once I get back from Malaysia.

Since that moment on, all the time in Malaysia and the time between my return and the time I called her up, I had never thought of somebody that much, never imagined about the future so much, never dreamt of the future so much. The feelings were too mixed up and messy, but the all just culminated into a smile whenever I was thinking about her.

Getting a new phone connection was the next goal once we all settled down in our new accommodation at Singapore Flying College, and those days took my mind off, just a wee bit, from her. I took a phone connection and passed on the number to all those I possibly could and displayed it on Orkut also, for others to see, more for the excitement of letting the world know that I am in a foreign land which was made obvious by +65 rather than +91. I have always been shy starting a conversation with a girl, and things didn't get any better when I decided to call her up. I was scared that I might freak out and that would mean the end of my dreams, and my story would end even before it would have started. I think it took me a day to summon all the courage and to persuade myself to dial her number.

And when I finally did, wow it was magical. It was like finding a new chord, it was like finding treasure; it was like finding the missing piece. We spoke for quite some time and being the first conversation took me by surprise. We spoke as if we knew each other. I don't know about her, but I couldn't stop smiling as I spoke, my heart was beating faster, I couldn't stand at one place, I was louder than usual and I didn't want it to end. The excitement was indescribable, the feeling was awesome and I think I already had fallen in love with her; and my God, what a fall.

The textbook phase followed. I would wait for the evenings to come when I could chat with her online or speak to her on the phone. Small things started to matter. And then came New Years Eve. I missed her so much, I could picture her so beautiful in my head, and I was sad that I couldn't be with her to start a new year. I touches me when somebody who matters to me this much as she did "scolds" me to call her up no matter what, to write to her no matter what, to message her no matter what and to love her no matter what. And I try to do most of them no matter what. So I did call her up to wish her Happy New Year.

A few months went by and my family became aware that I had started speaking to her on a regular basis and that things were going well between the two of us. If they were excited about it, then I was way, way ahead of them. All those Romeo associated sayings started coming true, I couldn't stop thinking about her all through the day, I could see her face in every beautiful girl that would pass by, I would dream of her, sleeping on time became difficult, the only thing that I was an ace at. My thoughts were so messed up and they just spelled out once single word and that was Rakhi.

If all this sounds as if they made things difficult for me, they just became impossible the day she came on webcam. I gasped, I thanked God, I leaped with joy, I was smitten, I missed her and I wanted to be in her arms. I believe one can see the mix of emotions. It was painfully sweet.

Then came news that I could go home for about fifteen days for some paper work and that would be my chance to see her. Happy was I and so was she. But then uncertainty and bad news came with it. The trip was not confirmed and 15 days were cut short to just five. I think I had never prayed this hard for a leave in my life. I wanted to see her, I wanted to hold her. Things changed for the better and I we were assured a leave for five days and boy, was I happy. Time stopped passing by and it was the longest week till the day of departure.

Four hours is a decent amount of time especially when one is sitting idle. Watching a movie would be the best way to kill time. But, on this occasion, when I was on-board my flight back home, four hours seemed like an eternity. None of the movies on board interested me, I was just flicking channels and the excitement to meet her was killing me. I knew, it would be still another day before I would get to see her, but the thought of bringing the distance to a fraction of what it was before was exciting enough. After four agonizing hours, I was on home soil and ready to jump ahead of everybody in the queue to exit first.

Mom, Dad and Bro were there to welcome me and what a feeling that was. Before I knew dad was busy dialing a number on the phone and he gave it to me saying that Rakhi's number was dialing. She was the same girl on the phone but the feeling was very different. For some reason she felt so close and I wanted to leave for Rishikesh at that moment itself. She was "confused", as she confessed and asked me to call her after an hour till the time she arranges her thoughts. The drive back home was fun as I was telling everybody about what happened in Singapore in the past seven months. Home sweet home and Dinner was served. I missed every bit of it. My taste buds finally felt alive after months of eating rubbish that had no taste. That word had actually lost all meaning in my life until the moment I took the first bite of mom cooked food. Everybody was tired and I was waiting for the time when I could call her up. We spoke for about half hour which was actually after exchanging a few messages on three phones. One was mine, the second one was with her to receive messages and the third one was the one with which she would send me her messages. It shouldn't come as a surprise, but the last one was her father's.

Morning came and I was the first to get up and had to push everybody to work faster and finish off their bathroom routines as fast they could. I had never been this excited when it came to matters like these whether we were going out for a vacation or to meet somebody. All of us knew that I was mad about her and my behavior confirmed it all the more. All set in the fastest possible time, we set the wheels rolling and headed towards the foothills; I was going to meet her, the feeling was too sweet to be true. I have been very choosy at expressing my feelings and on the surface I am a very calm and composed character, but that day I couldn't stop smiling all the way; and it was quite noticeable. Given a chance, I wanted to scream out to the world that I am going to meet the girl of my dreams, but I think that was not required, my actions made it quite obvious. Even a stranger would have looked at me and guessed what was is it that I was so happy about.

We made it to Rishikesh in the evening and freshened up at my Granny's place after the eight hour long drive. I really was in no mood to change and all. All that was running through my head was Rakhi, Rakhi and Rakhi. That was it and nothing else. Even when my relatives were talking to me, I was looking at them and answering their questions, responding, smiling, laughing, explaining, reciting my experiences in Singapore and how I missed home, but her name just kept ringing in the background. It was so loud and clear.

This was it. That hospital was in view again when we got down from the car and started walking toward it. Rishi (her bro) was there at the entrance and I was glad to see him. He had changed and boy, what "incredible" hair he had, something that would have caught anybody's attention even in the most crowded places in the world. The winding climb up to the accommodation up there loomed in front of me. I could sense myself walking faster and I was finding it hard to control my movements. And then another flight of stairs, the scary ones; so small and so steep. There we were finally entering the living room of the house whose family would be my relatives in the future. My dad walked in first, followed by mom, bro and then me. I had just pushed the curtain to one side and was entering inside when I saw her coming in from the other door. She lifted her head up and from that moment on I knew there was no turning back. She was real, so beautiful, so gracious, so fantastic and so true. My dream was there in front of me. My head was in turmoil. I really wanted to sit down………………………………..